What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 29.06.2025 04:10
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
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I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But it wasn’t much.
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Would this be the day?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
My family never makes their pension either.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
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His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Why is there no great temptress figure in any of Tolkien’s major works?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But, we were locked up after school.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
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He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
It was going to be , some day.
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I couldn’t, believe it.
When she asked me how she looked .
He resisted the act ,that day.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I will be 64.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
What are some tips for mouth taping to redirect breathing through the nose at night?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
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But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
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Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I was scared of men, in general
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And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
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She married twice! .
(And it was in our own minds.)
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I have no regrets .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Why did i forgive my father ?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
All the time i was locked up.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
She wouldn,t have been !
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I write beautiful poetry .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
We all went to grammer schools
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I said to her
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
As i do to all so called friends.?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
This is soul school!.
Im still living with it.
I don,t even have a pension.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
He knew the spot.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I could never make a relationship work though!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I was seconnd youngest,
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Ive learnt so much.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Who then, do I blame.?
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
We were not on the streets..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I was very sick at this time too.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I waited trembling.
Comes on , in middle age.
And i lived it daily.
One cannot live in the past .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She loved him until the end.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
What did i know ?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Put me off passion for life!!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I never cut or harmed myself..
So, i spoilt her more .
I think the readers, may guess!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
So whats the point in blame.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
She was in good health!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
My life is so biszare .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I was 9 years of age.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Especially a lifetime of it.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
She found it foreign!.
Was to survive, this bastard.